If your teen may act on thoughts of suicide right now, call 911 or go to the nearest ER, and stay with them. If you need support or are not sure how urgent this is, call or text 988 (988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) any time, day or night. You can contact 988 about your child, and you do not need to wait until you are certain.
Part of our guide: A Parent’s Guide to Child and Teen Mental Health
Warning signs include talking about wanting to die or being a burden, feeling hopeless or trapped, withdrawing from people, and sudden changes in sleep, mood or behavior. If you see them, ask your teen directly whether they are thinking about suicide, stay close, and get help the same day. Asking does not put the idea in their head.
Help works, and depression and suicidal feelings are treatable. Worrying about your child does not mean you did something wrong. Your job right now is to stay close and bring in help.
Warning signs to take seriously
These come from the National Institute of Mental Health, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, SAMHSA and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Be especially alert to anything new or getting worse, or anything linked to a painful event, loss or change.
What your teen may say
- Wanting to die, or statements such as "I wish I was dead" or "I won't be a problem for you much longer"
- Being a burden to others
- Great guilt or shame
- Having no reason to live, or being in unbearable emotional or physical pain
How your teen may seem
- Empty, hopeless or trapped
- Extremely sad, more anxious, agitated or full of rage
- Showing extreme mood swings
- Preoccupied with death and dying
- Unusually irritable, or showing anger or hostility that seems out of character
- Suddenly relieved or much improved. This can look like good news, so check in and ask
What your teen may do
- Withdrawing from friends, family and regular activities
- Saying goodbye or giving away important belongings
- No longer talking about or planning for the future
- Making a plan
- Taking dangerous risks
- Eating or sleeping much more or less
- Using drugs or alcohol more often
- A decline in the quality of schoolwork
- Frequent complaints of stomachaches, headaches or fatigue tied to emotional distress
A teen does not need to show many of these for you to act. Some teens show few outward signs, and a teen who seems fine one day can feel very differently the next. NIMH advises getting help as soon as possible, particularly if the behavior is new or has increased recently. If you are unsure, the AACAP's advice is to err on the side of caution and safety.
How to ask your teen
Many parents fear that saying the word will make things worse. NIMH is clear on this: studies show that asking about suicidal thoughts and behaviors does not cause or increase such thoughts. Asking directly can be the best way to find out whether someone is at risk.
Choose a calm moment if you can. Use plain words:
- "You've seemed really down lately, and I love you. Are you thinking about suicide?"
- "Are you thinking about hurting or killing yourself?"
The AAP encourages parents to stay calm and not wait for their teen to come to them. Then listen. Listening without judgment matters more than having the perfect reply.
Helpful responses
- "Thank you for telling me."
- "I'm glad you told me. We'll get help together."
- "You don't have to handle this by yourself."
Responses to avoid
- Telling your teen they are overreacting, or that others have it worse
- Assuming it is a bid for attention. NIMH says all talk of suicide should be taken seriously
- Promising to keep it a secret. NIMH advises against this, so you can say, "I can't keep this secret, because I need to keep you safe"
- Arguing about whether the feeling makes sense
Your teen may say no, or get angry. If your concern remains, keep going with the steps below. A flat denial does not cancel what you have seen.
What to do next, depending on what you learn
If there is immediate danger
Your teen says they plan to act soon, has already taken steps, or you cannot keep them safe:
- Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. The AAP advises going to the emergency department or calling 911 if you are concerned about more immediate risk.
- Do not leave your teen alone. This is NIMH's guidance when someone says they will kill themselves.
- Keep dangerous items out of reach while you get help.
If your teen has thoughts but is not in immediate danger
- Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org, and let your teen join if they are willing. A counselor will ask whether you are safe, listen and offer support and resources. Press 2 on a call for Spanish, or text AYUDA.
- Arrange an evaluation promptly. AACAP says any child with suicidal thoughts or plans should be evaluated immediately by a trained and qualified mental health professional. Call your teen's clinician or pediatrician today. If you cannot reach anyone quickly, use 988 or the ER.
- Stay closer than usual until a clinician has weighed in.
Make home safer, for now
Reducing access to highly lethal items or places can help prevent suicide, because a crisis can escalate very quickly. The AAP encourages families to remove firearms from the home while a teen is struggling and to keep medications locked away. Ask a clinician or 988 counselor to go through what makes sense for your home.
The AAP's guidance for clinicians describes these steps as temporary. They are a common safety measure, and doing them does not mean a family has failed.
What treatment and follow-up can look like
Good care addresses both immediate safety and what is behind the distress. According to NIMH, the options that have research support include:
- A safety plan. The AAP calls safety planning an evidence-based and effective technique. It should be developed together with the teen and family and include a backup such as 988.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy, which helps people recognize thought patterns and consider other actions when suicidal thoughts arise.
- Dialectical behavior therapy, which NIMH says has been shown to reduce suicidal behavior in adolescents. Formats vary, so ask any provider what their DBT includes. This article on whether DBT is right for your teen has useful questions.
- Treatment of underlying conditions, such as depression, with a plan suited to teens.
Some teens need more than weekly appointments for a period of time. This guide explains intensive outpatient and residential care.
After an ER visit or a crisis
The days after a crisis matter. NIMH notes that supportive, ongoing contact can play an important role in suicide prevention. Before leaving an ER or hospital, ask for a written safety plan, the date of the next appointment, and whom to call if things worsen. The AAP's clinician guidance describes follow-up contact within 24 to 48 hours, so ask who will check in and when.
At home, keep checking in even when your teen seems better, and expect progress to be gradual. Setbacks can happen and do not mean treatment has failed. Keep the home safety steps in place until a clinician advises otherwise.
If your teen has been self-harming
Self-harm needs its own careful response. Take it seriously and ask a clinician to evaluate it. This guide on what to do if your teen is self-harming covers the first steps.
Take care of yourself too
This is frightening for any parent. Fear, anger and guilt are common reactions. You can call or text 988 for your own support, and a therapist can help you stay steady for your child. Most people with risk factors for suicide will not attempt suicide, and support is available for your teen and for you.
For ongoing care, the child and adolescent psychiatry and therapy page explains how care works here, and fees and insurance covers costs. A consultation request is not an emergency service, so please use 988, 911 or the ER if your teen needs help now. In New York City, the local 988 service is NYC 988, formerly NYC Well.
FAQs
Does talking about suicide put the idea in my teen's head?
No. NIMH says studies have shown that asking about suicidal thoughts and behaviors does not cause or increase such thoughts.
What if my teen says they were only joking?
Keep the conversation open and stay watchful. Tell them you take it seriously because you care. If you still have concerns, call or text 988 or ask a clinician to evaluate them.
Can I call 988 if my teen won't talk to anyone?
Yes. You can call or text 988 yourself for guidance on how to help. A counselor will listen, ask about safety and share resources. If there is immediate danger, call 911.
Should I tell my teen's school?
Often it helps for a trusted person at school to know, such as a counselor, particularly if signs appear there. Talk with your teen and their clinician about who needs to know and what to share.
